I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
