Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
