The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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