I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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