My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
