if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize