she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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