so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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