Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
