I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize