how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
