Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
