Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she was so not down for the gang bang
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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