I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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