Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
