at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
