He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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