there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Also, beer. Big fan.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
