I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize