My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
