i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
