Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
