They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I want her autograph on my taint
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
