no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
