im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
