In the future we'll all be gay
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
