anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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