So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
