This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
