Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
