Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
