I wish my penis had an off switch
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize