Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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