It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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