Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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