it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
