Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
