the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
