Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
