Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I need a burrito and a hug.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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