I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize