His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
