Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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