i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
