im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
