His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
