Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
