i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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