u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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