So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
