WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
