you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
