I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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