and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I am available for nakedness
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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