Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
