I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
