why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
