Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
