420 ftw
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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