Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
