I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
