As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
