We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
