oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
