my being single is dangerous.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
