WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
