We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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