Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
