mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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