I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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