Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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