I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Someone shattered a urinal.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize