So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
