either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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