can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
