saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
