All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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