doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize