He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
