its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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