21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dick very happy bro
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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