There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
smell my finger.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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