What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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