When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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