Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
