i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
