Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
