a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
