I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
