Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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