i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
