Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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