the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
