you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize