I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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