even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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