So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
