We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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