Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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